- I spend a lot of time alone
- It is hard to make enough time for family and friends
- People close to me complain that I am not available enough
- I argue with people more than I would like
- I am too worn out to give time to relationships
Dinosaurs and Dragons
"If fate throws a knife at you, there are two ways of catching it - by the blade or by the handle."
- Ancient Chinese Proverb
Top 13 Signals from Your Body
- Fatigue that does not go away with two good nights sleep
- Dizziness, light headaches
- Allergies and breathing difficulties
- Skin problems
- Recurrent colds/flu/infections
- Muscle aches and stiffness
- Digestive tract problems
- Back pain
- Increased menstrual difficulties
- Swollen glands
What if you are the Dragon?
- Swiss Psychologist Ellen Miller has done revealing work on our compulsion to control.
- Everyone has experienced some degree of neglect, disappointment, unkindness or pain as a child.
- In our adult life we have "two" choices; pull it up to our conscious awareness or repress it
- Most choose repression because awareness is an upsetting process.
- Most people (particularly those in positions of power) keep themselves from knowing about their pain by identifying with the
- Identification COMPELS them to adhere to rigid standards at work an in their personal lives
Super Controller Survey
1 = very little
2 = somewhat
3 = quite a bit
4 = a very great deal
- How much does it bother you when people seem to get away with not doing a job right?
- How much would you do to force co-workers or subordinates to maintain the highest standards at all times?
- How much do you long for the way things used to be and get irritated at the new freedoms in the workplace?
- How much do you wither tune out or get angry when people complain about what is wrong?
- How much does disorder of any sort bother you?
- How much do you find yourself getting impatient or angry easily?
- How often do people tell you you're too much of a perfectionist?
- How much do you want things your way?
- How much do you think it is right for people to learn lessons the hard way?
If you scored 25 or more on these ten questions, then you are likely a dragon at work - a source of stress!
Strategies for Preserving Choice
- Control the intensity
- Go around, not through
- Remember what your body needs
- Guard against giveaways (time, money, power, piece of mind, right to your opinion, life balance)
- Don't forget support
- 3 daily doses of pleasure
Making Major Changes
- How About a Prison Break?
- Revitalizing Your Career
- Does Your Work Still Fit?
- Getting a Whole Life - Finally!
"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
- Chinese Proverb
"The leap to new places is never made in comfort."
- Marvin Weisbord
BREAK AWAY FROM NEGATIVITY
- Habitual Pessimistic Thoughts
o Learned in childhood
o Grab our attention for life
o Primitive and biological
- According to Martin Siegelman, we choose three pairs of qualities to explain situations that happen to us:
o Is this a permanent or temporary problem?
o Is this a universal or specific situation?
o Did I cause this, or did someone do it to me?
Silence the Internal Negative Chatter
- Siegelman suggest disputation:
- Recurrent Career Adversity Syndrome
o Making the same irrational interpretations of workplace situations (INSANE)
o The Generalizer: Everything is wrong now
o The Externalizer: Nothing is my fault
o The Internalizer: Everything is my fault
o The Personalizer: Why does this happen to me
o The Catastrophizer: The problem is too big to fix
• Get some distance from the negativity:
- self assessment
- Career information
- Job search
- Career management
o Back to school days
o Talk, talk, talk
o Escapee interviews
o Mental Pictures
o Go professional
7 Ways to Revitalize Your Career
- Swap Shops
- New Digs
- New Hours/Flexibility
- Strategic Support Groups
- More Supervision