Diminished Relationships
- I spend a lot of time alone
- It is hard to make enough time for family and friends
- People close to me complain that I am not available enough
- I argue with people more than I would like
- I am too worn out to give time to relationships
Dinosaurs and Dragons
"If fate throws a knife at you, there are two ways of catching it - by the blade or by the handle."
- Ancient Chinese Proverb
Top 13 Signals from Your Body
- Fatigue that does not go away with two good nights sleep
- Insomnia
- Dizziness, light headaches
- Nausea
- Allergies and breathing difficulties
- Skin problems
- Recurrent colds/flu/infections
- Muscle aches and stiffness
- Digestive tract problems
- Back pain
- Increased menstrual difficulties
- Swollen glands
What if you are the Dragon?
- Swiss Psychologist Ellen Miller has done revealing work on our compulsion to control.
- Everyone has experienced some degree of neglect, disappointment, unkindness or pain as a child.
- In our adult life we have "two" choices; pull it up to our conscious awareness or repress it
- Most choose repression because awareness is an upsetting process.
- Most people (particularly those in positions of power) keep themselves from knowing about their pain by identifying with the
oppressor.
- Identification COMPELS them to adhere to rigid standards at work an in their personal lives
Super Controller Survey
1 = very little
2 = somewhat
3 = quite a bit
4 = a very great deal
The Survey
- How much does it bother you when people seem to get away with not doing a job right?
- How much would you do to force co-workers or subordinates to maintain the highest standards at all times?
- How much do you long for the way things used to be and get irritated at the new freedoms in the workplace?
- How much do you wither tune out or get angry when people complain about what is wrong?
- How much does disorder of any sort bother you?
- How much do you find yourself getting impatient or angry easily?
- How often do people tell you you're too much of a perfectionist?
- How much do you want things your way?
- How much do you think it is right for people to learn lessons the hard way?
Score
If you scored 25 or more on these ten questions, then you are likely a dragon at work - a source of stress!
Strategies for Preserving Choice
- Control the intensity
- Go around, not through
- Remember what your body needs
- Clarify
- Guard against giveaways (time, money, power, piece of mind, right to your opinion, life balance)
- Don't forget support
- 3 daily doses of pleasure
Making Major Changes
- How About a Prison Break?
- Revitalizing Your Career
- Does Your Work Still Fit?
- Getting a Whole Life - Finally!
Prison Break
"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
- Chinese Proverb
"The leap to new places is never made in comfort."
- Marvin Weisbord
BREAK AWAY FROM NEGATIVITY
Learned Optimism
- Habitual Pessimistic Thoughts
o Learned in childhood
o Grab our attention for life
o Primitive and biological
- According to Martin Siegelman, we choose three pairs of qualities to explain situations that happen to us:
o Is this a permanent or temporary problem?
o Is this a universal or specific situation?
o Did I cause this, or did someone do it to me?
Silence the Internal Negative Chatter
- Siegelman suggest disputation:
o Adversity
o Belief
o Consequences
o Disputation
o Energization
RCAS
- Recurrent Career Adversity Syndrome
o Making the same irrational interpretations of workplace situations (INSANE)
o The Generalizer: Everything is wrong now
o The Externalizer: Nothing is my fault
o The Internalizer: Everything is my fault
o The Personalizer: Why does this happen to me
o The Catastrophizer: The problem is too big to fix
Fix It
• Get some distance from the negativity:
o Bibliotherapy
- self assessment
- Career information
- Job search
- Career management
o Back to school days
o Talk, talk, talk
o Escapee interviews
o Mental Pictures
o Writing
o Brainwalking
o Go professional
7 Ways to Revitalize Your Career
- Swap Shops
- Teaming
- New Digs
- New Hours/Flexibility
- Mentoring
- Strategic Support Groups
- More Supervision
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